I have had one of “those” days. I thought I would cheer myself up by sharing some of the highlights with you – tune to another station now if you are not interested – I wish I could.
Waking up to be told that your nearest and sometimes dearest hasn’t slept all night – so obviously that snoring coming from another FLOOR in the house was some kind of insect… to be followed by all the reasons that he shouldn’t have had the curry. Too much information…. and I actually enjoyed mine.
****
Arriving in work to find no heating in my room – typed until I couldn’t actually feel my fingers anymore and then decided this wasn’t sane. Tried putting on mittens, but really didn’t do my accuracy or speed any favours. Made a cup of tea, warmed my hands, thought about setting fire to the files, in the centre of the room, but decided that would only solve my short-term discomfort. In the long term this might mean me not being allowed an office, or even in an office and could potentially endanger others, as well as upsetting my precarious bank balance.
After dutifully weighing up the pros and cons, the concept of setting fire to the office became appealing again, but then remembered the hassle of Health & Safety paperwork, so reluctantly desisted.
*****
Going back to my bank balance decided I had better check whether a) my salary was in place and b) the bank was still in place.
Pleased to report that the bank and salary had been in place briefly, but only showing a shallow footprint as the funds are now scattered to deserving causes, such as the gas, electricity, government etc.
******
Browsing the tinternet at lunchtime looking for something to inspire me to write, came across a rather random news story about a man with dirty pictures on his computer who has sleeping problem so shouldn’t go to prison. My first thought here, being if I was such a corrupt individual – and I think him being convicted makes that a fairly legally safe assumption - I would have thought sleeping was least of my problems in prison…
Reading on I discovered, as an aside that he had fled to the Shetlands, after escaping an unhappy marriage – oh that is interesting – I know a “couple who moved to the Shetlands about three years ago…….” – in fact we went to their wedding and Toby took photos and ironed his shirt for the occasion - reading further on, with horror I realise that he was actually the person who had rather shockingly shacked up with the friend (regretfully ex-friend) of mine who is no longer part of “the couple who moved to the Shetlands.”
what a small world – now that HAS given me something to write about, but I really would rather not.
********
So back to work I go, and typing furiously/with the phone on divert discovered that unfortunately no matter how good my resolve is to beat all land speed and world records, I still can only do 2 1/2 hours work in 2 1/2 hours… shame that.
*****
Home again, home again jiggedy-jig – ahh I shall iron some warmer clothing for tomorrow –
whilst doing a one-handed combatant judo hold with the ironing board (I watched the shaolin monks yesterday, they can hold their whole body weight on one finger, I surely can manage the ironing board…) the phone went, and I held a tri-lingual conversation with Toby – neither quite sure what the other was saying – but what the heck – I have been practicing that transferable skill all day..
In the meantime, I had squashed my hand, which somehow had recovered from the frost bite of earlier, and managed to quell my screaming so as not to deafen or frighten Tubs – he already thinks I am somewhat more brain-injured than he is.
I think I came off the worse from the conversation, as I obviously wasn’t paying enough attention to counter his accusations - I am now a midget umpullampah weakling and if I don’t be nice to his father, I am not going to be bestowed with a pottery tea coaster… now that is a threat…
So I promise to be nice to both his father and when pushed also the dog, now that is a challenge, I can do one or the other but not both- and I manage to finally sit down with my new wool which arrived today from the Natural Dye Studio. The sock wool is amazingly – pink….not my favourite colour but in this blend I will review that situation… and the merino top is well, impressive….
aaaaahhhhh bisto time..
Then I gaze at my new glittery row counters, which I will share with you when I do a review on the weekend, they are LUSH and so clever…
********
Then – I remembered I had promised to do a favour for someone which involved lots of Excel and fiddling with programmes – so whilst waiting for my computers to load, I decided to clear out some drawers (I have a lot of shareware according to my IT son… I think he is swearing/admonishing me, but never quite sure which – so this gives me a little time to spare whilst the computer is asserting its authority)
On opening one of the drawers (well prising it out) I discover socks, lots of OLD smelly socks…. so decide to chuck as these are left overs from having a house of sons. One felt decidedly crinkly, couldn’t work out why and then looked inside….
The little sod…. a mystery which has lasted over five years solved… that was where all his letters from the teacher summoning me to urgent last ditch – before being expelled – conference (which obviously had some merit hence the evidence being buried) it had been hidden… inside a sock at the bottom of his pant and sock drawer – the last place he knew I would look….
(post script here, because I didn’t know Toby was being threatened with expulsion, the threat didn’t actually work and I didn’t actually attend the urgently convened conference, because I didn’t know anyone wanted me too – until about three years after the event that is… I can happily report that he carried on going to school, well I think he did – there is evidence he passed his exams – and he got a job – a well-paid job, a rarity amongst his peer group that year – despite repeated predictions to the contrary, by – oh let me recall – a teacher who left the profession not very long after … so I think the moral of this story is – if you hide something in a dirty sock the crisis will recede, your mother won’t skin you alive and you will have enhanced your career prospects - current year 10 students please note)
It would be remiss though of me if I did condone this behaviour though, admirable and inventive as it was, so had better say something in the interests of fairness……even if it is a little late in the day.
You wait until my next visit young man – just you wait…. I’ll give you tea coaster…..
